Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
Holy sore nipples Batman
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
Randomize
