Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize
