well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
Randomize
