From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
Randomize
