ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
Randomize
