I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
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