let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
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