We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
Randomize
