What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
Randomize
