oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
Randomize
