she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
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