Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
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