i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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