"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
Randomize
