im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
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