Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
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