His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize
