Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
Randomize
