recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
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