i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
Congratulations! We have a period
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
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