someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
Randomize
