k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
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