Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
Another day, another engagement, another cat
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
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