DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
Randomize
