Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
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Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
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I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
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