can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
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