Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
Randomize
