I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
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