he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
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