How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
