wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
Randomize
