She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
Randomize
