I think we need to take a brake
What upsets me the most about that is that you spelt it 'brake'
dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
Randomize
