I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize
