I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
Randomize
