Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
Randomize
