No, veal is cruel because they chain them down, I'm talking about free range human babys here.
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
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