You're completely useless in the revolution.
i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
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