Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
I was not drunk enough for that final.
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
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