So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
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