when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
Randomize
