Redeem this text for a blowjob
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
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