I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
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