Taylor Swift is so right about you.
My brain says no but my pants say off.
well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
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