i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
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