I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
