Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
Randomize
