I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
We all have our weaknesses that drive us crazy. We happen to have one in common, 21 year olds. Your secrets safe. Touch his penis.
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
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