textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
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