I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
My brain is like a TV with 10 channels, 9 of them are static and the other one just plays that one Nagito Komaeda edit on loop 24/7
Randomize
