I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
