If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
Randomize
