I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
Randomize
