No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
Did you see Brett Michaels get knocked on his ass?
Hurt me personally.
Knocked his cowboy hat off... Bandanna was still good though
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
Randomize
