well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
Randomize
