I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
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