I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
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