We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
Randomize
