Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
Randomize
