READY
for what?
TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
Randomize
