the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
Randomize
