I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
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