I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
Randomize
