I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
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