I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
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