I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
Randomize
