people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
all ten of us were sitting in his room with the lights off and staring at his colorful moving screensaver for two hours. That high.
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
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