Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
I need to wash the frat house off of me
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Randomize
