dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
Rumble strips road head = magical
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
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