i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
Sext me about skeletons
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
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