i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
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