He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
Randomize
