It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
In either case, seeing now as it's basically two couples, unless we're planning to have a good old fashion orgy I think this isn't going to work out so well.
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
Randomize
