i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
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